Collateral Damage
I found it the other day while going through a bin of some of my old stuff.
I had saved it for a reason.
I wanted it to be a vivid reminder.
My son was four years old when my secret life of pornography and sexual addiction was exposed for the first time. Melody and I separated, and, in an effort to get the kids in touch with what they were feeling, we asked them to each draw a picture.
When I first saw the picture and the clear statement from my son concerning what he was feeling, it was as if someone had hit me in the gut with a baseball bat. I would have welcomed that physical pain over the emotional pain I was experiencing any day.
For years I had believed the lie that my mechanism for escaping the pressures of life wasn’t really hurting anyone. I told myself that they were just pictures…no big deal.
And then I saw my son’s picture.
The yellow construction paper in my hand with my son’s crayon scrawled note told a different story. His world, along with his mother’s and his sibling’s, was about to be turned upside down.
Because of my cowardice.
Because of my immaturity.
Because of my selfishness.
Because of my lust.
My family counted on me to love them and to protect them, yet I had allowed myself to be completely taken out by the enemy. I was a walking shell of a man…having allowed my secret sin to suck the life right out of me. I say I was living a double life, but in reality most of my time and energy was focused on my secret life…not my public life.
If you are reading this post and dabbling with pornography or a potentially dangerous relationship outside of your marriage, don’t believe the lie that it isn’t a big deal. It is a slippery slope that will eventually have you crossing lines you swore you would NEVER cross.
I know…and have the scars to prove it. Unfortunately, so does my wife. And my kids.
I want to hear your story. What scars are you carrying? How have you believed the lie that your sin isn’t a big deal and has no effect on others? How has God shown you otherwise?
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